Stay in This Moment

18 May

“What we call a beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” — T.S. Eliot

Tomorrow, I start the rest of life.

As of 9:30 tomorrow morning, I am a big girl, complete with a big girl job and big girl bills and big girl taxes.

I’m scared. And somehow missing college a little more since I’m starting my real world life while still living in my college apartment (though that changes at the end of the month).

T.S. Eliot said this was how it was supposed to feel — that endings and beginnings were supposed to swirl together so that you never could tell where the bitterness of something so good ending finally gives way to the sweetness of such a promising beginning. I know he’s probably right. I mean, he is T.S. Eliot. But I guess I always thought it’d be a little easier to let go. To move on. To grow up.

I think The Wonder Years explains it best:

“We think the stars are fixed in the sky, but they are not. I think sometimes we have to learn to give in to change, to the new things.”

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what’s to come. But that night I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn’t have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves…for growing up.”

So, ready or not…this is me…taking a deep breath…and jumping…into that swirl of the real world.

“Do you remember when we were just kids /
And cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss /
Schoolyard conversations taken to heart /
And laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not /
I want to break every clock /
The hands of time could never move again /
We could stay in this moment for the rest of our lives /
Is it over now?”

– Anberlin, “Inevitable”

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